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when the cannibal showed up late to dinner, they gave him the cold shoulder
(via maxterbate)
sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS A BUNCH OF LAPTOPS SO HE TOOK THE SUITCASE AND RAN AND I JUST
(via maxterbate)
i wish there was a book that was filled with the first impressions of every single person i’ve ever spoken to because i’d really like to just sit down and read what everyone thought of me
(via ughhok)